My grandfather was buried this morning. Today had lots of good parts, home movies watched, discussions with relatives, but I also let too much fall on my shoulders. As on my other grandfather’s burial day, I wrote a poem this morning.
Now I’m watching Battlestar Galactica before falling asleep. I know it’s going to be all about parents and make me have all kinds of emotional resonances with my own emotions, but I can handle it. Tomorrow my immediate family will leave, which will lighten some of my burdens.
I miss Lee, though that sounds pitiful. I am really looking forward to being home with her and letting her take care of me a bit. That was supposed to be our plan before I left, but it didn’t work out. She feels very bad about that and I don’t know if it’s because of that or independently that she’s focusing this weekend on reading a book about preparing for adoption or foster care, Welcome Home, which I’d recommended to her as a resource for information on attachment issues.
We’re both supposed to be focused on ourselves, each other, our relationship, so I’m not quite sure what to make of her insistence on finally reading an adoption book. If she doesn’t read it, that will be fine and we’ll work from there. If she does, though, I know I’m going to be incredibly moved, really impressed. I know what it will open inside me. I don’t know what it says about me that I’m prepared for that.
That’s why I know what tomorrow will be like, how things will go until I fly home Monday night. But I still keep planning for the best.