A quick post here, I hope, but I want to talk about Rowan stuff before I talk about myself in another post.
I don’t actually have to ask for time off work during our busy season to watch Rowan testify because the trial has been moved to fall. Specifically, it’s been moved to the week of his birthday. Because nothing says awesome like turning 16 and having to testify against your family, right?? Poor guy! I don’t know whether he knows that yet; I found out from his worker when I emailed to let her know he’d asked me to attend. I’m glad he’s with seasoned foster parents who will know to expect extra tension around that time, though.
Also, though I didn’t make this explicit in my last post, when I talked about toddlers saying no as a sort of generic comment on how he might be feeling about authority and autonomy. He took it in a direction I hadn’t expected, though. He said that when he told us he didn’t want to be adopted, it wasn’t really about us. He just didn’t want to be told what was going to happen to him for the rest of his life. He was angry at the system, not at us, but the only outlet he had for that anger was to reject us. I already knew this, to some extent, or at least knew that the issue wasn’t that he disliked us or felt uncomfortable in our home. But again, I was impressed with how much insight he has into his own thoughts and behaviors, even though like any teenager (human?) he still makes some thoughtless or counterproductive decisions.
I have no idea whether this means he’s thinking about adoption. I’m not going to ask, not going to pressure him in any way. I do think he recognizes that if his worker were to follow through on her threat to have him put back into residential he could say, “But Thorn and Lee will adopt me and I want that!” but then he’d have to follow through on his own threat. So yes, I’m living with the thought that we may well end up parenting two white 16-year-olds if we end up keeping our home open. And that would be weird, yes, but we’ll do what we can.
I haven’t heard more about Russ. His worker (the one who called us) sent his file to our worker here. She emailed me to make sure we’re actually interested in pursuing something and I said that at this point we were, but I haven’t heard any more from her. It’s certainly as promising as things have gotten for us, but there’s plenty of time for things to not work out, too.
And there is plenty of time. Initially, Lee had wanted to quit trying to adopt in July if we hadn’t had any kind of placement so that she could relax and enjoy her summer. When it took us ages to get a copy of our new homestudy, I was able to bargain her back to October and plan ways for her to enjoy her time off whether or not we had a child with us. That’s why she’s overseas right now having fantastic fun and I’m holding down the fort here.
Since then, I’ve talked her into saying that if we’re keeping it through October we might as well just keep going and then let our homestudy expire in January if we don’t have any current or imminent placements. In reality, if we don’t get any placement we’ll probably still go through with updating our study and say that we’re only open as a resource for Rowan if he needs it. We’ve committed that to him, and keeping our house minimally open is easier than having to open it again if he has a need down the road, which would presumably be an emergency-type situation. So anyway, yes, things are moving slowly, as usual. But they do still seem to be moving.