December 1, 2016

AmFam suggests blogging like it’s 2006to get through December and that seems like a reasonable idea.

Things have changed a lot in my life. I broke up with Lee a year and a half ago and she moved to a neat apartment in the next town over. The girls and I live in a charming smaller house near the school the older two attend, which has made my life so much easier than it was last year when I had dropoffs at three different places in town before getting to work myself each morning.

Nia is 10 now, here since just after her sixth birthday. She is incredibly strong in so many ways and is at an age where making sense of the world (Trump? really??) is difficult but an important task that she takes seriously. I’m the meanest mom ever and won’t let her make her fortune doing makeup tutorials on youtube, but maybe someday I’ll see the light. After a few years without contact, she sees her relatives intermittently.  Lee never managed to make things right with her and they don’t really have a relationship now.

Mara turned 9 last month, which means she’s been with us six whole years. This school year has been incredible as she comes out of her shell, smiling in photos, speaking up in class. She just got her flu shot without crying or screaming or having a panic attack. It took six years, but we got there. She trusts that I’m her mom and that she can rely on me to come back after we’re apart. Our move put us within walking distance of her parents’ apartments and her little brother came over to play the other night while he was visiting their dad, at which point their teen cousin was walking by and stopped to talk to me for an hour or so while the kids zipped around on scooters.

Little Selah didn’t get much time on the blog but holds plenty of space in all our hearts. She’s four and joined the family at 13 months. She can count to 30 and used kinder words with her friends yesterday, per her daycare/preschool teacher’s notes, and when I asked this morning if she’ll use kinder words again today she said, “No, thank you!” She is a delight, and also of course a pain as is age-appropriate and littlest-sister-appropriate.
The boys who used to be teens when I was 29 and 30 are now men in their early 20s. Rowan is in prison for a crime he committed in my home, heroin-related. I’m not good about answering his calls, to the point where he’s mostly stopped calling, but he sounds so much better sober. I’m going to write him before Christmas. Colton is in the Marines and got married to someone he’d met a month before and seems happy. He asks me for and appreciates my advice on a regular basis. Both have had a chance to meet the girls and consider me (but mostly not Lee) a mother figure of sorts.

And your humble blogger? My life is somehow mostly taken up by work and children and mucking about on the internet. My health is not fantastic at the moment, but in ways that should get better. (Don’t get a grade three sprain in the middle of a move, that’s my advice!) I knit, I sew, I read, I am more relaxed and happy than I ever was before. It’s hard work this parenting but it’s my work and I’m surviving it. I used to talk to the girls about Mom Jobs (and maybe still should instead of just “ARGH why did you pour out my laundry detergent in your sink? How did you know it wasn’t POISON? And I KNOW you know you didn’t BUY that!”) and that’s the main thing for me, chatting and listening and cooking and cleaning and reading to them and sitting while they fall asleep in their loft beds in their shared bedroom, while our little cats who don’t even have pseuds yet race around wildly.  It’s a good life, guys. It’s hard, so hard, but it’s wonderful. And I’m good enough at it.

So how ’bout you? Anyone still around? Should I bring the archives back for this little experiment at least, whatever it turns out to be?



  1. Had been lurking here for a long time and am grateful for the update.

  2. Happy to have word of you. Please keep updating!

  3. Thanks! It’s pleasant to be writing again. I knew I couldn’t do it in the early part of the breakup, but I’m working on finding a way back in.

  4. So glad to hear an update! Thanks.

  5. It’s great to hear from you. Glad things are well! I don’t blog near enough but life continues and I constantly want to write about it. Maybe someday I’ll start writing again myself.

  6. always here in the background, love the updates and I hope blogging again helps you!

  7. Thanks. It’s going to take me a bit to find my voice again, but I think it could work!

  8. I just stumbled across your blog and am so happy to read these updates, even though they are, as with everything, full of life’s ups and downs. I bowed out of the online world (and much of my own) four to five years ago because my mental illness was so pervasive and my home life was so incredibly overwhelming that I could not put it all into words. I tried but I am too paranoid anymore to really leave stuff out there. I gave the illusion over the last year that everything is ok but it’s really, really not. But like you, we are going to get through this. There are more bright days lately as we learn how to live this life of challenges.

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